well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
