we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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