There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
