I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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