so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
