Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
