I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
