roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
