shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
