Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
