Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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