He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
