I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
