She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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