belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
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I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that