We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.