I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
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I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship