onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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