I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
