My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
