She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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