So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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