I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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