I like to think it a success when the cops are called
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
