Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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