Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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