I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
