OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
