it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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