Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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