I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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