So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
