Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
