Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
