Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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