Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
