I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
