So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
