I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
