We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
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Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
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I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize