i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
