His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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