So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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