he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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