you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
His nipple licking is glorious
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