its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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