Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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