My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
