im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
