It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
