i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
