Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
