Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
And then he peed in my hair
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