Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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