dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
