so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
