so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
