Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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