I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
