Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
